words i'd like to utter.

"Here. I wrote you a book."

air, or something like it

i suffocate by the absence of necessity.

subtelty, opposite

the subtext is screaming in my ear. though i think i may've invented it.

on giving up

"she was ready to dismiss the crew of her soul from the deck of her body." -kundera

tempting, i admit. but i've tried it before and it proved unpleasant; far worse than the suffering that comes with having your soul permanently lodged in your throat, adding flavor to everything you swallow while at the same time choking you.

i am reminded that masochism is self-imposed pain whose by-product is pleasure.

bombastics

The more i live, read, encounter, the more brilliant does Orwell's "Politics and the English Language" become.

justification

As I read the hard paper this morning, a relic of sorts that somehow landed on my doorstep, I recall a time when I was more interested in the Plural than the Singular; the Collective, the Society, the State. But now my universe seems to exist on an entirely different level. The micro level.

But then, isn't everything micro? Isn't the micro the main ingredient, the flour of the macro? I think it's interesting when we speak of social constructs without any seeming awareness that these things are made up of individuals, ones with impulses that drive their behavior.

I suppose I'm interested in psychology then, more than sociology, and even less interested in political theory, which examines the behavior of states as if they were living, breathing things entirely devoid of living breathing things! But they're there, and they eat, and fuck, and desire, and envy, and lust, and harbor delusions of grandeur, and with all these at stake, they act. So for now I'm focusing on that, and it's comforting to know that to zoom back out, all I have to do is twist the lens.

mean

Is there anything so cozy as staying in of doors in snowy madness with wine and food and chocolate. Life is about balance, yes, but for now I'd like more of this.